Look at the Path Ahead, Not the Road Behind
by Violent-Flames
Summary: Set after Isabela comes back. Hawke and Isabela are more or less together but during a night at the Hanged Man, Hawke's jealousy makes her act in anger and she hurts the one she cares about the most. FHawke/Isabela. One-Shot. Angsty. Rated T to be safe.


**A/N:** Okay another Hawke/Isabela fic. One-Shot! I just got this idea and I just felt I had to write it down. It's just a look on Hawke's and Isabela's relationship and how they would act and react to each other's actions etc. So, rightfully I would think Hawke would go into a fit of rage at some point. Don't you? Well, it's still a hell of a lot of fun…!

Happy reading!

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><p><strong>Look at the path ahead, not the road behind<strong>

Hawke walked leisurely down the long limestone stairs leading to Low Town and had her gaze lifted to the skies. Darkness had already fallen upon Kirkwall. The stars glittered silently in the sky as wisps of cotton-like clouds floated and gave the heavens a light contrast to the stark blue of the night. Hawke gave a content sigh as she faced the down winding stairs again and adjusted her arm guard as continued on her way.

She had the Hanged Man in her sights now and smiled to herself as she neared. Hawke had agreed to a game of Wicked Grace that night and everyone of their merry band of misfits was invited to Kirkwall's lowly Tavern for a few sets. Of course, it was more accurate to say that they had all been invited so Varric, and even Isabela, could have a little extra pocket money by taking theirs. And of course, lowly was not really an accurate term to describe the Hanged Man either. Destitute pile of manure and wood that served dropping-flavored ale was a closer description, however lowly sounds nicer...

The Champion ran a hand through her cropped hair as she neared the door; she hadn't seen Isabela all day and was looking forward to spend a little time with her… Nothing dirty… Necessarily … However, she was surprised to suddenly feel a strong hand reach out from the shadows and grab her wrist. She was then yanked into the nearest dark alleyway and shoved against the cold stone wall of the adjacent building. Hawke reacted with lighting fast reflexes as she unsheathed a dagger, and holding it parallel with her forearm, placed its blade against the throat of her assailant who was still obscured by darkness.

There was a moment of silence before the scent of new rain and earth reached her nostrils and Hawke furrowed her brow in annoyance. Her attacker gave a low sultry laugh before she spoke "You better put that knife away, Hawke. You could hurt somebody" the assailant finished as she leaned in and moonlight hit her face, revealing none other than the Pirate Queen herself. Hawke lowered her blade and gave her a frown "Don't do that… I could have-…" She was interrupted by Isabela as she placed a finger on Hawke's lips "But you didn't" she said with a smile "Besides, the danger only makes it more exciting!" she finished.

Hawke met her eyes and gave her a small smile "You're hopeless…" Isabela answered her with a confident grin "That's why you love me" She countered before she leaned in and captured Hawke's lips with her own in a scorching kiss. Isabela was not very gentle as she nipped at Hawke's lower lip and demanded entrance before Hawke granted her. Their tongues danced with furious passion as they explored each other's mouths hungrily. Just before pulling away for air, Isabela bit Hawke's bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.

"Oww…" Hawke muttered as she placed two fingers to her lips and looked upon them to see the crimson liquid coating their tips.

"Sorry…" Isabela said sheepishly "I guess I got a little carried away" she finished with a smirk before she gave Hawke a soft kiss on her bleeding lip in an attempt to make it feel better. Hawke smiled at that, it did make it feel better...

"Anyway, you can't really blame me…" the pirate continued innocently "I've gone without sex the entire day!"

Hawke gave a hearty laugh "So, you thought that ambushing me, pulling me into a dark alley and assaulting me was a good idea to remedy that?"

Isabela shrugged "Yes" she answered honestly "But you were the one to draw a blade, so that makes us even"

"Fine… Even" Hawke answered with a smirk "Shall we join the others or do you want to continue what we… you started here?"

Isabela's eyes widened in mock surprise "You're actually giving me the choice?" She said "However, I can't pass up the chance to rid you, and especially Man Hands, from your very shiny coin"

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><p>They had been playing for the past hour and everybody had had a fair share of their chosen poison, so they all felt a slight buzz as they laughed and chatted away during the Wicked Grace match. As expected, Varric and Isabela had relieved most of everyone's coin and were gracefully planning on doing it again as Varric distributed the cards anew.<p>

"Damn…" Fenris grunted as he folded his hand "I can swear you've got at least two silver knights up your sleeve, Dwarf!" he accused half-heartedly

Everyone chuckled as Varric rose his hands up in surrender "Not my fault you're as worthless at Wicked Grace as a nug at a vegetarian barbeque" he looked over at Hawke "Well, your turn. What's it gonna be?"

Hawke sighed and threw in a few silver coins "I'll call". Varric turned to the next player and there sat Isabela looking extremely smug as she reached for the pile of coin in front of her and gave Hawke a wink before she threw a few silvers into the pot "I raise you two silver"

Hawke gave Isabela an accusing glare and threw two more silvers in the pot without looking away. Varric continued around the table, skipping over Merrill who had her head on the table and was fast asleep. Hawke suddenly felt a hand on her thigh and looked up at Isabela but she appeared oblivious as she continued playing. The pirate proceeded to give Hawke a soft squeeze before she began running her hand further up the Fereldan's thigh. Hawke's breath hitched and she swallowed thickly as Anders folded and Aveline threw in a few more silvers. She had lost track of the game as Isabela's hand slowly traveled further up and her thoughts became a stream of incoherent pictures and sounds caused by the ale and the incredible heat of the pirates touch.

"Hawke!" Varric called and snapped her out of her muse. She looked around quickly "Er… What?" she asked sheepishly. "It's your turn." He looked suspiciously at Hawke and Isabela before asking "Rivaini ain't doin' something inappropriate under there is she?" Anders chuckled "Doubtful"

Hawke felt heat rising to her face before she shook her head and noticed that he had already laid the flood of cards on the table "I… er…. I call" she said quietly. Isabela still had a smirk plastered to her features "I will raise" she said. They went around the table once more and Aveline folded. Isabela continued to slide her hand up and down Hawke's thigh and when it was her turn again, Hawke had no clue where they currently were in the set "Shit…" she muttered "Er… I'll errr…. Fold?" she said uncertainly "Is that a question?" Varric asked carefully and Hawke responded by tossing her cards toward him and nodding solemnly before glaring accusingly at Isabela's hand which had now retreated and was raising Varric a few silvers. _'Why the Fade did I keep calling? I can't even remember what cards I had anymore… ' _

The set ended and Varric collected his winnings as Isabela rose from her seat "I need another drink" she muttered and walked in the direction of the bar. Anders looked at Varric from where he was resting his head on his propped up hand "I think Fenris is right… You do have cards hidden somewhere" the mage smirked "Maybe in your chest hair…?" Anders suggested with a straight face and the table roared with laughter which startled Merrill out of her sleep "By the Creators! Are we under attack?"

"You shouldn't even be allowed to play, Blondie." Varric countered with a grin "You have two playing on your side, if that isn't cheating I don't know what is" A succession of sniggers rounded the table.

Hawke glanced over at the bar to see where Isabela had gotten to and her grin faded slowly and was gradually replaced by a snarl. Isabela was standing at the bar, ordering or waiting for her drink, and a handsome young man in his mid twenties with dark hair and stubble covering his chiseled jaw, was standing next to her, chatting with his arm wrapped around her waist. He leaned in and whispered something in her ear as his hand began to slowly travel lower and lower. Hawke's eyes narrowed and she growled before she stood up so fast the chair fell over. Everyone at the table turned to see what had gotten to the Champion "Uh oh" Varric muttered under his breath when his eyes landed on the Rivaini.

Hawke's fists were clenching and unclenching as she began walking toward the pirate and the man who was putting his hands all over her. She didn't see anything but the man's hand touching Isabela, roaming over her back and grabbing her rear. The anger and hatred amassing in her brain like white hot noise and the blood pumping through her veins felt like molten lava. She clenched her jaw as her piercing eyes burned with unrestrained fury.

'_I'm not going to kill him'_ she thought to herself as she came up to them and faced the man "Walk away" she said dangerously as she gritted her teeth in malice and the unrestrained rage shone in her eyes. "What the damnation?" He said in alarm "Hawke? I already told him to lea-…" Isabela was cut off as the man recovered from his initial surprise and reared on Hawke "This isn't any of your damn business, so go fuck yourself!" He exclaimed indignantly and before anyone could react to that statement a swift and solid fist connected with his face which produced a loud 'CRACK!'

He staggered backwards clutching the side of his face but had no time to recover as another blow came colliding into his solar plexus which made him send his arms down to cover his midsection before a strike came crashing into his jaw.

"Hawke! Stop!" Came Isabela's yell over the commotion of the Tavern going into bar fight mode. Hawke barely heard her as adrenaline and blood pumped loudly in her ears in raging fury as she continued to clobber the man, who was now against the wall. Isabela tried to push her way through the tumult of the brawling and gathering patrons of the Hanged Man to get to Hawke, but she was stopped a few feet away and knocked to the floor by a drunken sailor. "Maker damn it!" She exclaimed before she kicked a guy out of the way and pulled herself up just in time to see Fenris, Varric and Aveline pushing their way through the crowd in an effective pyramid formation. Aveline shoved the last person out of the way to get to Hawke and grabbed her by the shoulders and tried to pull her away from the now battered young man lying on the floor. Aveline struggled with Hawke as the Champion pushed her off and charged toward the man on the floor again, but was stopped once more by Aveline as Fenris rushed to help her hold Hawke at bay.

Hawke continued to struggle against her companions "Let go damn it!" She yelled at them as they fought to hold the resilient Fereldan away from her victim. Aveline wrapped her arms around Hawke's waist from behind and lifted her off the ground, carrying the still belligerent woman through the crowd "Put me down! Do you hear me!" Hawke yelled at Aveline as the Guard Captain pushed through the entrance of the Hanged Man with Fenris's help and dropped Hawke on the ground outside.

Hawke quickly scrambled to her feet and stepped up to Aveline. Her face came only a couple of centimeters away from the Guard Captains as she glared bloody, hot daggers at her. However, Aveline held her ground and stared patiently into the Champions piercing eyes as the other woman breathed heavily "Why the hell did you do that for?" she spat. Aveline didn't back away; as many would have under the dangerous and furious glare of the Champion of Kirkwall "I think you have taken out enough of your anger on that man. I don't think you would have liked yourself very much if you had woken up from your enraged state and found that you had killed him" Aveline responded in chastise. The other woman kept glaring madly at Aveline before she threw her hand up in dismissal and turned away in a huff.

Having calmed down a little by breathing in some fresh air and been taken away from the clamor of the Hanged Man , Hawke could process the fact that Aveline was probably right, however, she wasn't going to tell her that. She looked up into the quiet starry sky instead, still breathing heavily before she heard the door to the tavern slam open, the yells and hollers of the tavern drifting out into the calm night for a brief moment before the door shut and sent her into silence once more. Hawke thought for a brief moment that Aveline and Fenris had gone back into the bar before she felt a firm hand slap down on her shoulder, forcing her to turn around and face its owner.

It was Isabela and she didn't look happy. She didn't look happy at all. Hawke looked over at Aveline who shrugged uncertainly before Hawke nodded at her. Aveline and Fenris took their leave back into the tavern to see if they could calm down the patrons before irreparable damage was wrecked upon it. Hawke returned her full attention to Isabela who still looked as angry as ever "What the hell, Hawke!" she seethed "What the hell was that good for! Are you out of your bloody mind!"

Hawke was taken aback for a second before she recovered and her eyes narrowed vehemently at Isabela "How dare you?" she snarled "How dare you pin this on me?" The pirate held her ground but stood in stunned silence as Hawke advanced on her "You shamelessly flaunt yourself in front of anyone who will glance your way, and it doesn't stop there either! You let them roam their filthy little hands all over you! I'm surprised you didn't spread your legs and let him take you right there on the damn bar!" Hawke spat, venom dripping from every word as she felt her rage boil up in her veins again.

Isabela's features softened and she looked down at the ground dejectedly before her eyes hardened again and she looked up at the fuming woman in front of her "If that's the way you feel then we shouldn't be together" She shook her head sadly "I knew this was a mistake from the very beginning… I should never have come back. I had even tricked myself into believing you trusted me" she finished with a whisper.

Hawke felt her guilt wash over her like a bucket of cold water, her anger fading and being replaced with remorse "Bela-… I didn't mean-…" Hawke started before she was interrupted by Isabela "Yes, you did!" she exclaimed before she sighed "Yes, you did Hawke" she said again with a whisper.

"Bela, I just lost it in there. I saw you and something inside me snapped. I couldn't think clearly all I saw were his hands… touching you…" Hawke tried as she approached Isabela and reached her arms out to touch her and wrap her in a hug, but the pirate recoiled in frustration "I know I still have things to learn and old habits die hard, but I never thought that, you, of all people would think of me like that…" she said, sorrow and hurt edging close to her voice and threatening to pour out of her amber eyes.

Hawke's heart did a double take and stung painfully at the sight of her love in such hurt and sadness, and more so because she was the cause of it. Guilt and sorrow stabbed at her soul, willing her to do something or say something to undo the damage she had done, but she knew that whatever she said or did Isabela wouldn't take her back or forgive her for what she had said and done, at least not now...

"I didn't mean those things… I was just in a fit of rage and jealousy. I shouldn't have done that" she said quietly "I-I… I'm sorry" she looked up remorsefully and met Isabela's eyes. The pirate still looked hurt and was trying to reign in her surging emotions "I'm sorry too, Hawke" she whispered, turned and began to walk away.

"Bela!" Hawke called after her as she began to walk in a brisk pace to catch up with her "Isabela… wait!" she said and grabbed her bicep which Isabela wrenched out of Hawke's grasp as the pirate turned to face her briefly "Stay away from me, Hawke!" she exclaimed angrily before she resumed her walk toward the dock, leaving Hawke standing alone in the middle of the street with her head hung low in guilt and penitence.

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><p>Over the next few days, Hawke had either stayed at the estate and to herself or she would jump at any opportunity to fight thugs, bandits, gangs and slavers. The bloody fray, that would ensue once Hawke arrived, would get her mind off Isabela and the look of hurt on her face that she had placed there. Cutting up, stabbing and slicing thugs resulted in sprays of blood, screaming, yelling and Hawke would forget everything but the battle at hand. At the end of it all when the smoke had settled, the ground would be covered in crimson, Hawke would be breathing heavily, the adrenaline pumping wildly in her veins and she would feel alive.<p>

This night after a particularly bloody skirmish, Hawke returned home, shuffling her feet along the floor and dropping hear gear as she went. The daggers clattered to the wooden floor, followed by her arm-guards and her boots. She came up to the bed and collapsed on top of the quilt. She pulled the covers to her and threw them over her half-armored form haphazardly. The continuous fights and battles everyday for the past week had drained her. Fatigue grasped to her every muscle and sent an ache of wariness through her entire body. It was a blessing of sorts since she had not been able to get more than a couple of hours of sleep, if she was lucky, since Isabela had left her in the street that night. She sighed dejectedly as she laid there, in the silence of her own room but sleep didn't come fast enough and slowly thoughts began to grip their little claws into her mind. Thoughts of how she had broken Isabela's trust in her and how she could have done it differently, how she could have prevented it and how she craved to touch her and kiss her luscious lips settled in her mind. The image of Isabela's hurt and crestfallen face surfaced in her mind, and Hawke sighed loudly and threw off the covers in frustration. She sat up and placed her face in her hands. Suddenly a quiet sob escaped and broke the silence in the large room.

The pitter patter of paws could be heard as Hawke's trusted Mabari entered her room, he stopped briefly and cocked his furry head at her hidden face before he sauntered over to her and placed his head on her knee. He gave her a soft whine as she continued to sob quietly into her palms. He tried to nudge her elbow and she acknowledged him by giving him a soft pat on the head and a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

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><p>Hawke decided to take a walk to get her mind of things, instead of sitting in her quiet room and contemplate over her stupid mistakes. She brought her Mabari with her and he walked obediently beside her as she walked through the streets. It was dark but there were no stars about this night, it seemed clouds had covered the heavens in an even, dark grey color instead. A puff of breath made itself visible as it extended from her mouth when she breathed; it was also pretty cold tonight.<p>

She hadn't really noticed but her feet had carried her to the docks. She didn't bother treading carefully for any gang members or thugs who might be lurking in the shadows. If they were stupid enough to attack her, they would die.

She didn't meet any resistance however as she arrived at the harbor and looked over at the boats-… Ships, actually. She smiled sadly to herself and looked out at the sea stretching out beyond. Her dog sat on the ground and closed his eyes contently when Hawke scratched the top of his head absentmindedly.

Something unexpectedly caught her eye a few paces down by the steps leading to the waterfront. It was a woman and she immediately recognized her. She hadn't seen her in a week but she would recognize her anywhere. The light from the lanterns by the side of the harbor cast a dull glow which illuminated her silhouette and the outline of a familiar blue bandana. There was no mistake it was her.

The Champion abruptly stopped scratching the Mabari's head and he looked up with a small questioning whine. Hawke was standing as still as a statue and was biting her lower lip in nervous contemplation. She felt her dog gently nudge her leg and she looked down at him. He gave her a soft whine and rubbed his head against her calf in a gesture that she should go down. She gave him a few affectionate pats on the head before she took an uncertain step toward the sitting woman.

When she was two paces behind her Hawke stood for a while in awkward silence before she decided to speak up. Although she knew that the woman probably already knew she was there for a while now "Isabela…" she said in quiet insecurity. She stood there in more silence before Isabela spoke up with a curt "Hawke" without looking up.

Hawke cleared her throat before her Mabari rushed to the pirate's right and nuzzled her side. Isabela lifted her arm and wrapped it around the dog's form and scratched him behind his ears. Hawke slowly took a seat next to Isabela. They sat quietly for a while; the only sound was the Mabari's content panting.

"How-… Er-… How have you been?" Hawke asked nervously, avoiding looking at Isabela and only looked out to the Sea.

Isabela cast a glance in her direction "What do you want, Hawke?" she asked impatiently.

"I-…" Hawke began "…Nothing" she finished quietly, feeling silly.

Isabela sighed impatiently and looked away once again. Hawke started to wring her hands together nervously as she thought about what she should say next. She swallowed thickly as she began to sweat. She took a deep breath to muster up her courage.

"Look Isabela, I-… I'm really sorry…" Hawke began as an attempt to start to reconcile with the love of her life "I never meant those things I said… You know that" Hawke sighed and she felt Isabela stiffen next to her, so Hawke chanced a look at the pirate. The Rivaini looked the same as she had a week prior, except a few small cuts on her face. Obviously she had been in a couple of fights…

"I am ashamed to admit it but, I said those things in anger and I said them with the intention to wound…" Hawke looked away "I wanted to hurt you like I felt you had hurt me then" she continued quietly but did not receive an answer from Isabela "I love you, Bela. I never think of you but in the highest regard and I am truly sorry for hurting you like I did"

"I feel like a bloody arse" Hawke finished quietly to herself but Isabela had heard her "And you are" the pirate answered.

Isabela looked up at Hawke and met her eyes. She hadn't noticed previously due to the dull light but when she looked carefully she could see the dark circles under Hawke's red-rimmed eyes. She looked weary and worse for wear, her face had several cuts and she had a bandaged patch on the side of her neck. Isabela sighed; she couldn't help but feel concern for Hawke and worried about her current state.

"Don't throw that mushy, sappy love stuff at me, Hawke" she said with a hint of a smile "You know that doesn't work on me…" Hawke looked at her cautiously and with restrained hope to see if her apology had gotten through. She was met with a blank look.

"Sorry… I couldn't help it" Hawke said quietly as she turned her gaze to the Waking Sea again "You know me… hopeless" she muttered

Isabela snorted "I thought **I** was the hopeless one…" she said with a small smile, she looked at Hawke who was gazing out at the water before her expression turned somber "And I do know you, Hawke, at least I can say that much and I know…" she pointed to the place where her heart would be "… In here, that you probably didn't really mean all that but it just hurt coming from you" she finished candidly.

Hawke hung her head in guilt and shame "I'm so sorry" she whispered remorsefully. There was a few seconds of silence before Isabela spoke up "I'm sorry too"

Hawke's head shot up and her expression was one of great apprehension as she looked at the pirate. She was going to leave her just like she had that night; outside the Hanged Man. Isabela turned her head to look at Hawke's uneasy stare and almost laughed but decided on fixing her eyes at a point on Hawke's knee "I'm sorry, I was so-… Insensitive" she said hesitantly before she looked up to meet Hawke's red-rimmed, yet still, piercing eyes "It was pretty tactless of me…" the pirate finished humorously.

The Champion cracked a striking smile "Not as tactless as assault on an unsuspecting brute" Isabela broke into a laugh before she replied "He did kind of deserve it, though" the Mabari gave a great bark in agreement.

They sat in silence once more before the Fereldan reached out and took Isabela's hand in her own and placed them on her knee. The pirate didn't pull her hand away so Hawke took it as a good sign. They sat there holding hands for a while before Isabela slowly pulled her hand away from the other woman's "I should go" she said as tactfully as she could.

"Don't" Hawke pleaded tenderly

"Your puppy eyes don't work as well as you think" she said with a smirk and received a coinciding bark from the dog. Hawke gave a small pout at this "That doesn't work either, sweet thing" Isabela said with an unconvinced quirk of an eyebrow "Besides, you should get some sleep… Looks to me like you really need it" she finished with concern shining in her amber eyes.

"I can't…" Hawke whispered dismally as she hung her head so low she almost touched her own knees. Isabela looked at her with worry "Why not?" the Rivaini asked.

"Nightmares…" Hawke whispered once more to the floorboards of the harbor, but this time Isabela could barely hear her. The pirate felt her love and concern for this woman swell in her heart. She slowly placed an arm around Hawke's shoulders and pulled the Fereldan affectionately to her so Hawke could rest her head on her shoulder. Hawke made no effort to struggle against her and Isabela began to gently stroke her fingers through Hawke's cropped hair "Bela-…" Hawke began quietly but Isabela cut her off with a tender "Shhh…" as she continued to stroke her hair "You think too much, Hawke. Just stop worrying for now" she whispered fondly. They sat in silence for a while before Hawke spoke up again.

"Isabela?" Hawke whispered sleepily

"Hmm?" she answered softly as she affectionately caressed Hawke's dark tresses.

"I love you…" Hawke said as clearly as she could manage since she was dozing off. A few seconds of silence followed and Hawke's breathing became even, a sign that she had indeed fallen asleep as she lay against Isabela who had her arm wrapped around the Champion.

Isabela looked carefully down at Hawke's sleeping form before she placed a tender kiss on the top of her head "I-.. Love you too" she whispered.

_Fin_

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><p><strong>AN:** That's that! Hope you enjoyed it, I know it got a bit fluffy in some places but fluff is good right? ….Right? Oh well, suffer through it. Please take a second to review; it does so much for me. It really keeps me going!

Thanks for reading!


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